4th April 2011

WOW....

Where to start?  Dates...I shall start with dates...

31st March 2011...

Woke up feeling less than average.  I had been woken through the night with pains in my lower back that were a little more than the normal pregnancy putting a strain on my back pains. I thought...I'll just lay here for a bit & maybe it will go away. 
Mark got the boys ready for school & took Julian with him to drop them off.  By the time he got back I was actually feeling quite worried. The pain that was in my back was now coming around to the front in waves of deep period type pain....I thought, this can't be good! I was starting to feel sick :(

Mark returned home & came in to see me. Took one look & said....'Are you ok?' All I could manage was a quick shake of my head while some tears started to fall.  So he packed a bag for Julian, got changed out of his work gear, loaded Julian in the car & then took me to the hospital.  All the way in there I kept getting these pains thinking....Oh crap Oh crap Oh crap!

I was taken into labour ward & put straight onto a CTG. My OB came in, did an internal examination after having me describe what was happening & then told me although he was happy that my uterus was still long & closed (no dilation),  he was still putting me on steroids & sending me for bloods, urine tests & an ultrasound. He was concerned about the placenta.  If it comes back that its failing (although that's not the word he used), we need to be ready to take the baby today/tomorrow, the steroids are for the baby's lungs.
At that point I felt like  I had been taken out of the situation & my thoughts were not my own.  Sounds odd...but I didn't actually have those feelings of panic anymore...just, Oh wow...how did I get here type thoughts....like I said...ODD!

After giving blood & urine samples, we sat there on that CTG for what seemed like an eternity.  Julian was unsettled, as to be expected, but Mark did finally get him to go to sleep.  We realised quickly that we weren't getting out of there in a hurry so Mark called Mum to be there to pick up our big boys & bring them in. 

Got wheeled up to have the ultrasound, which so so so thankfully found that although the baby was quiet, the placenta was in tact & there was a good amount of Liquor (amniotic fluid) around the baby. Heartbeat was perfect. Baby was laying transverse & away from us so we didnt even get a peak at its face...but  such a relief!  I thought....ah...yes I have been admitted, but perhaps now I can just go home.
NO SUCH LUCK!

What I didn't know, was that the steroids ( which I can't remember the very long name of ) were about to have a huge effect on my sugar levels. So much so that I had a canular inserted into my hand (which later leaked & had to be replaced) & a insulin infusion drip started.  Fun! NOT!

Back to the ward....& time to get settled.  I wasn't going anywhere!

I stayed in there on Thursday night, which actually felt like an eternity. I had midwives come in on the hour, every hour.  They came in to check blood sugar, readjust insulin drip, listen to the baby's heartbeat via the doppler thingy, check my temperature, my blood pressure & feel my tummy. The Braxton Hicks I came in with were still going on & at times would make me cringe. All up each time took the middies about 20 minutes, so I only had 40 minutes between them leaving & coming back....its just went on & on & on & on & I got NO sleep at all. 

At 1:30am...roll over - JAB! Another steroid injection into my butt! OUCH!!!

 

1st April 2011...

By 6am...I was STARVING!!!!  They had me fill out a menu yesterday sometime, Lord knows what I chose, I didn't actually care at the time, but by sunrise I could have eaten anything they put in front of me. 
Ooooh I can hear the breakfast ladies.... can't I????
Nope...but it was the tea/coffee/juice ladies. 
'Would you like anything luv?'
'Hell YES!' 'I'll have a cup of tea & some diet lemonade & whatever else you've got please!!!'

Good thing I had those 2 drinks because my breakfast was....um...forgotten? Lost? On it's way still????   Arrrgghhhhhh! Nope...my breakfast was cancelled because of my sugar levels & what I ticked I apparently couldn't have.  Faaarrrk!
Long story short...I ended up with eggs on wholemeal toast & another cup of tea.  It barely made a dent, but it was better than nothing!

All I wanted to do after I ate, was sleep. I felt beyond tired. There's something really twilight zone-ish about staying awake all night, puts one in an altered state I think.  I thought, maybe I'll just lay here & if they need to test my blood sugar & listen to the baby's heartbeat again in 20 minutes (which is when they were due back) then they were going to have to do it while I was asleep. Sleep....sleeeeeep...sleeeeeeeeeep...I could actually hear my own breathing getting slower & deeper. It felt good!

'HEY SLEEPY HEAD!'  Tap tap tap!  In walks my OB Ross Turner.  Big smiles. Big cheeky stiring smiles I might add. I'm sure HE thinks he's funny.  He asked me how I was feeling, I said, fine until you walked in & woke me.  He just chuckled.
Told me he was most pleased with the results over night, but to get comfy, I was going to have to stay in until he was confident I was ok.  Not to mention staying on the insulin drip because of the steroids...one more night....I can do one more night...I think!
Mum took the boys home in the arvo & did the dinner, bath etc etc thing, but then Leah took over so Mum could go home at a decent hour & Mark could stay longer with me.  Was so much nicer than spending hours & hours there by myself.

Friday was a loooooong day!  The monitoring, checking, testing etc etc every hour got old...real fast!  Mark was there as early as he could be after getting the boys to school, organising for Mum to pick them up & making sure he had what he needed for Julian for the day.  We spent the day sitting around, talking to staff, watching tv, etc etc. Julian was an angel & had a sleep for us.  Mum bought the boys in after school & took Julian home with them for dinner, bath & bed, which was a relief...a little toddler can only be in a hospital room for so long.
Friday night was much the same as Thursday night....long, no sleep.
At 4am I had another round of testing done & they decided they could disconnect me from the insulin drip, but I had to keep the canular in for the next few hours. Fine by me, just being disconnected was a blessing. Getting up to do a wee without having to drag the big dip thing with me was awesome. Small mercies.  I managed to doze off between 4:30am & 6am....sort of.
Must have been some unhappy new borns in the other rooms & they were screamers!!! Sounded cute though.  Helped remind me why I was there & made me realise I wasn't quite ready for our little munchkin to make its entrance into the world just yet.  But bring on Saturday so I could go home.....

2nd April 2011...

Saturday!!!! Yay...I made it to Saturday! I'm going home.....aren't I????
Once again I got a bit excited & was totally deflated when the OB said I couldn't go home.  I was still in pain, still being affected by the steroids ( this included swelling & redness of my face etc ) & he just didn't want to send me home only to have me come back in again. He wanted me more settled before he was confident I would be ok at home.
The endocrinologist, who had been to see me each day, came in again & checked out all my blood sugar readings. She was happy enough for me to have the canular removed....thank GOD!!! I really hate those things! Another chat from the diabetes sister & a visit from the physio broke my morning up a bit more until Mark & the boys got there.  I think he too was feeling deflated after hearing I wasn't yet being released.  But, in true Mark form, he took it in his stride! Jake & Riley might disagree, having a quiet whinge to me that Dad was a bit 'grumpy'.  Can't say I was surprised!  They were all doing really well given the cirumstances.

After Mark left I decided that I was going to try & get some sleep.  I wasn't actually feeling overly tired, but I think I was at the point of being so overtired that I didn't know what I was feeling. I just wanted to go home.
The Braxton Hicks continued through the night & I was put on the CTG again to make sure they weren't 'real' contractions.  I really am amazed at the intensity of them & the fact that they just dont seem to want to ease up. 
I slept ok, being woken up numerous times by someone just checking on me, or the other babies in the ward deciding that it was indeed NOT sleep time.  I would have loved to cuddle one of them, was making me clucky! LOL

3rd April 2011...

Morning came around faster this time.  The tea & breakfast ladies didn't seem to take soooo long to get there.  I was sure I was going home today.  I just had to be.  Waiting for the OB seemed to be the longest part of the morning. 
I got yet another visit from the Endocrinologist (who has increased my insulin again) & another visit from the physio.  Both seemed happy for me to go home, I just needed the all clear from the OB. Waiting...waiting...waiting....
..................................................................................................................................
..................................................................................................................................

In he waltzes....big smiles.  Checked out my chart. Ordered a final CTG.  Checked my uterus (lovely experience).  Said he'd be back! Arrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhh!
I waited for the CTG & thought, here we go...I'll be here for HOURS! But, next thing I know, in comes a midwife & sets me up. She leaves me for 20 minutes or so, then comes in, takes the results to the OB & I wait again for him to come back.
When he shows up, he has this look on his face.  I'm guessing its his 'serious' look.
'I'm going to let you go home', he says.  'But.....  No lifting, nothing strenuous, No stress, No pushing trolleys etc etc etc'  'Any changes....eg, blood/fluid loss, increased abdominal pain, increased back pain, minimal movements from the baby....back in! Understand?' 
I just nodded!  I have been warned!!!

I called Mark as soon as he left. He was almost as happy as me to hear the news. He headed straight in to get me.  Yahoo...what a relief!!

HOME SWEET HOME...

I got home & felt a little....lost. Perhaps I was just tired.  Didn't feel quite real. Had I just been in hospital since Thursday morning?  I most certainly felt as though I was in the Twilight Zone. 
I managed to get some sleep during the afternoon, but didn't really relaxed until I was showered & tucked into bed for the night.
Mark cooked us a lovely dinner & then made me a fruit salad for desert.  The thought of sleeping in my bed... was almost as good as actually doing it. 

4th April 2011...Back to life...

Woke up this morning feeling a little fragile. And by fragile I mean physically & emotionally. Mark took the boys to school, came home, did Julian's morning routine until sleep time, then went off to work. Mum picked Jake & Riley up from school then came in & changed Julian etc after his sleep. There wasn't much time in between to have to do much for Julian at all. 
I still feel as though I'm not going to make it to May 20th.  At this point, & the way I am feeling, I'm not sure I'm even going to make it to May at all.  However...I'm having a hard time deciphering between what is my own intuition & my own fear.
I guess time will tell.....